Question 1

I don't quite see the point of a parent coach. It seems a bit Instagram-scammy if I'm being honest.

Accepted Answer

Most parent coaches are the real deal.

If I am being honest, some of them are not.

Some people rose up on social media by posting memes and videos or parenting advice, and then decided to sell courses and services to the masses. Others jumped on the bandwagon.

There are even a lot of YouTube videos with names like “How to make 7 figures as a parent coach like me.”

There is also a certain huge US company doing online-only "parent coaching." It costs $8000 USD. You get 1 session per week  for 8 weeks. They employ high  pressure sales people to rope parents in. The sales call lasts for 1 hour and promises you the world in a miraculous personal plan. But you have to cough up the full amount within 24 hours of that call or you are out.

Parents need to check the motives of any online-only, high volume, high fee service. The scammers are easy enough to spot.

However, the few scammer "coaches" out there should not deter parents from seeking one of the many legit, helpful, knowledgeable parent coaches.

As for the point of a good parent coach,  if you don’t need one, you don’t  need one.

But there are many, many valid and often painful reasons that a parent might be experiencing frustration or exhaustion due to their children’s behaviour. If that parent chooses a parent coach to help change the trajectory, that is nobody's business.

Question 2

I'm confused why someone would see a parent coach over someone with more of an educational background like a child psychologist or licensed therapist.

Accepted Answer

More educational background usually means attaining knowledge and skills that are not relevant to what I do.

Which you type of service you choose depends entirely on your needs and goals.

Therapists address broader mental health and emotional issues.
Coaches focus on specific parenting challenges and skill-building.

Child and Family Therapists have training for children up to 18 years old.  
I focus on ages 0 - 6 years.

An analogy for this is if you needed a wedding cake decorator, would  you go to a French  pastry chef?

Question 3

So how do parent coaches differ from the other professionals with more education?

Accepted Answer

There are many different types of parent coaches.

Parent coaches are experts in their own niche. Education can vary.

"Parent Coach" does not automatically mean less education. I have seen many parent coaches who are also child psychologists or marriage and family counsellors that focus on helping parents navigate complex teen issues.

In order to compare what I do to other professionals, here are the most common other professionals that people think of:

Child psychologists have mental health training that includes children  all the way up to 18 years old. They are trained to treat children struggling with profound issues such as bereavement, trauma, divorce, conduct disorder, mental illness, and teen suicidal ideation. Some child psychologists specialize in diagnosing autism.

Family counselors can deal with similar issues as child psychologists by talking with the family as a group. They usually take a Family Systems approach. They can cover other forces of stress on the family unit such as unemployment. Many are Marriage and Family Counselors.

Both child psychologists and family counselors are mental health professionals who can give parents some techniques and tips for discipline. But ironically, their specialty may not necessarily be positive discipline and behaviour in the early years.

Other professionals include child psychiatrists. These are doctors who diagnose mental health issues including personality disorders, and prescribe medications.

Play Therapists, are licensed  mental health professionals who help children process psychological issues.

Occupational Therapists, have very complex and diverse training and mandates. They can help children  with anything from strengthening their hand grips, to giving children with ADHD the skills to succeed.  OTs can give parents specific techniques to help children’s behaviour that is based in things such as sensory sensitivities.

From this quick break down of other professionals, you can see that they differ quite a bit from Hilltop Parent Coaching.

Aside from most of them being mental health focused, these professionals typically use ongoing therapy models. In contrast, coaching focuses on reaching particular goals and can last from only a couple sessions up to typically no more than 6 months.

Another difference is that psychologists, therapists and counselors typically see clients  in their office or on Zoom for visits that are about 50 minutes each. My format is different.

Even if I shared a niche with another of the child professionals above, they likely would not provide the unique supports for parents that I do. For instance,

I conduct appointments and programs at the family home where children are most comfortable. This spares parents the hassle of leaving the house with the kids, and offers the benefit of practicing at home. 
My Single Session appointments are 2 hours long for faster progress. The first hour is to work directly with the parents. The second hour is to support the parents in their interactions with the children. (The Tailored Programs usually have longer appointments.)
My appointments can take place specifically during the challenging times to demonstrate techniques and assist parents in effectively adopting the relevant new skills.
I offer evening and weekend appointments. I also offer parent-only Zoom sessions when children are asleep.😉

Question 4

I guess I don't understand what your qualifications are to advise people on these things. Is there some sort of accredited post-secondary program?

Accepted Answer

The bottom line is that I can get you the results that you want.

If what you want is within what I have outlined as my expertise, 
and you participate in my program as I lay it out for you,
and you do the work, 
I can support you to set and attain your goals, 
I can teach you what you need to succeed,
and you will get the results you want.

There is no governing body for parent coaches. Our qualifications are individual.
I am an experienced and extraordinary Early Childhood Educator certified in the province of British Columbia.

I am dedicated to supporting children and families. I will never stop upgrading my knowledge and skills.

The skills and knowledge that parents learn from me are exactly the skills and knowledge that I have built up over decades of professional development which I used all day long when teaching and caring for young children with all different needs, from all different backgrounds.

It was through my years of working in childcare and preschool that I saw so many parents struggle with parenting challenges. I knew I could help them, but "pick up time" is not the right time.

When I first took Early Childhood Education, I was blown away by all the information on development and how to use guidance and discipline with young children. It was so eye opening and so different than what anyone I knew had been raised with.  I thought, "If only everyone could know all this stuff!"

The information has just gotten better as the decades have gone on!

I believe that if enough children of a generation are raised with the knowledge and skills that I teach, we can change the world.

**********

I began my post secondary education with two years of college at Kwantlen Polytechnic University focusing on psychology, then transferred into Early Childhood Education. My extensive professional development includes further ECE Infant Toddler and Special Needs courses at CNC, BrainStory, the MEHRIT Early Childhood Self Regulation program, social-emotional learning, autism training, trauma informed practice, courses in teaching, different types and aspects of curriculum, and child development, as well as Life Coach training, Foster Parent training with the Safe Babies course, Postpartum Doula training, Dr. Becky Kennedy courses, and of course, Parent Coach training.

Plus all the reading I have done in books such as The Explosive Child by Dr. Ross Greene, Self Reg by Dr. Stuart Shanker, The Declarative Language Handbook by Linda K. Murphy,  Raising Your Spirited Child by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka, Raising a Secure Child, by Hoffman, Cooper and Powell, Circle of Security Intervention by Hoffman, Cooper, Powell and Marvin,  Elevating Childcare by Janet Lansbury, Parenting Right From the Start by Vanessa Lapointe, Frames of Mind by Howard Gardener, Discipline Without Tears by Rudolph Deikurs, How to Talk so Kids Will Listen by Faber and Maslich, The No-Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley, The Whole Brain Child by Siegel and Bryson, No Drama Discipline by Siegel and Bryson, and more.

Plus reading I have done in research articles, and articles related to my focus areas listed on my About Me webpage, plus more about Montessori, Reggio Emilia, Waldorf, STEM. 
Plus a copious amount of YouTube videos and lectures by people such as Dr. Stuart Shanker, Dr. Gordon Neufeld, and Dr. Gabor Mate.

**********

There is no central body, or standardized schooling for coaches. All coaches like life coaches, wellness coaches, business coaches, and parent coaches are not required to have any specific coach training or certification in BC or pretty much anywhere.

For coaches and consultants like business, parent, wellness, etc, the training is their original training and experience in their field of expertise.

For good measure and for adult teaching techniques, I have looked at a lot of parent coach training programs. They are all private. Some are scam  programs that are simply covers to teach basic marketing to would-be coaches, not how to coach parents.

So far, I found and took one parent coach training program that actually had good information, no marketing information. Plus two Life Coach training programs. Life Coach training has a considerable amount of crossover for training parents. I have also researched adult coaching and teaching on my own. I have chosen to incorporate the Solution Focused Brief Coaching method into my parent coaching, which is a style of goal-oriented coaching.

**********

As with all professions, not all Early Childhood Educators (ECEs) are created equal. For most professions, you can plot out bell curves showing the quality, depth of knowledge, skills, attitudes and aptitudes of the people in those careers. It is very likely that you have met other ECEs who are less than passionate about the importance of early childhood and lifelong learning. But for me, ECE is a calling.

Question 5

Ok then what exactly do you do?

Accepted Answer

I help parents  understand and effectively respond to their young children’s behaviour. I support parents through the process of becoming consistent, effective and confident parents. Parents have many of the answers inside them and know on some deep level what they need to do.  But they may need someone to help bring it out. I guide parents through my workbook full of evidence-based exercises and information so that they can create their own custom parenting plan that will achieve  their goals, cultivate harmony in their home, and nurture their children toward becoming independent, capable, responsible adults.

The parent coaching model is to work with families short-term, typically between 1 session and 6 months, to achieve one or more specific parenting goals. All parent coaches have their own niche and expertise.

1.  My expertise is early childhood from birth to age 6 years. I am trained in most behaviour concerns that parents have about their young children.

Child development: Cognitive, emotional, social, language, learning, physical. 
The guidance and discipline of young children’s  behaviour.
The causes and meanings of child behaviour.
How development, environment and individual factors affect a child's overall behaviour.
Recognizing biological, sensory, emotion, social, prosocial and physical factors that affect a child’s behaviour throughout the day. 
Teaching children how to self regulate. Co-regulation.
Teaching children to be responsible, get along with others, and problem solve.
Social-emotional learning, including empathy, compassion and consent.

2. Specific early childhood issues I can help with include:

Temper tantrums and meltdowns
Defiance
Being rude 
Fighting with siblings
Poor adjustment to new baby
Not listening
Too clingy
Separation anxiety
Whining
Not sharing
Hitting or biting
Sensory sensitivities
Not going to bed. Not staying in bed. Not sleeping in their own bed.
Not sleeping through the night. Not napping. Too little sleep.
Anger
Aggression. Or slapping or kicking parent.
Being mean to other kids
Behaviour at daycare or being kicked out of daycare.
Very active. Too rambunctious. Bouncing off the walls.
Potty learning. Pee or BM accidents. Refusing to potty train.
Picky eating
Shy, lacking social skills, withdrawn, not standing up for self with other kids 
Perfectionism. Too hard on self.
Anxiety. Fears.

3. My style of coaching parents is very influenced by the Solution-Focused Brief Therapy Coaching Method. I also draw on life coaching methods and consulting models to impart parenting skills and knowledge, and to assist parents to create their own parenting plan.

4. In addition, as a very neurodivergent person myself, I bring a unique perspective to parents whose children are neurodivergent, autistic or who have sensory differences (SPD).

I remember and can draw on my childhood experiences back to my earliest memory at 18 months old. All these decades of personal experience as a Neurodivergent person can shed light on many issues that parents find puzzling.

I have numerous current evidence-based techniques and ideas to draw on that work to support most children with ASD, SPD, ADHD and ODD... and a few other letters.

Question 6

That gentle parenting doesn't work. I've tried everything. My child needs firm punishment. He is getting out of control. He needs to learn respect. I don't want a coach who will just talk about feelings.

Accepted Answer

First, I do Not advocate for spanking, harsh punishments or the Traditional Parenting Style.
Second, I Do advocate for the Authoritative Parenting Style.
Read on to learn more.

The Traditional Parenting Style aims to raise respectful and capable kids but falls short. In Traditional Parenting, the parent is autocratic, and believes it is their responsibility to control the children, keep them in line, and teach them respect for authority. They tend to have high expectations for behaviour, have rigid rules, and are strict. When rules are broken, they punish the children using either harsh consequences or spanking.
	~~~~~~

According to 6 decades of research on the four main parenting styles, Traditional Parenting, also known as Authoritarian, has consistently proven to have worse outcomes for children than the Authoritative Parenting Style. See here. And here.
The other two main parenting styles are called Permissive and Uninvolved (sometimes called Neglectful.)
Each of the 4 parenting styles has it's own continuum from being milder in some of it's traits, to strongly having all of the traits.

~~~~~~

Quote: "A meta-study of 51 studies from eight countries found that children of authoritarian parents were verbally and physically more aggressive than those of authoritative parents (Sunita, Sing, and Sihag, 2022). Further, their behavior was linked with low emotion and strong control. Additionally, aggression, anxiety, depression, and problem behaviors in children were all correlated with parent’s high levels of control."

~~~~~~

In the 1960's, Baumrind who was the foremost researcher on the four parenting styles, originally looked at the styles from a more discipline perspective without a real psychological component.

In the 90's, it became apparent that there were three other dimensions that affected parenting styles, being parental support, behaviour control and psychological control. The greatest impact seemed to come from psychological control. Many studies have focused on the impact of psychological control on parenting styles and children's outcomes.

~~~~~~

Parenting styles with and without psychological control have been studied. Psychological control combined with punishments or neglect turned out to have the worst outcomes for children. And Authoritative parenting style without psychological control or punishment had the best outcomes for children as they grew and when they became adults. You can read about that here.

~~~~~~

Quote: "Due to its manipulative and intrusive nature, psychological control has almost exclusively been associated with negative developmental outcomes in children and adolescents, such as depression, antisocial behaviour and relational regression."

~~~~~~

Quote: "Results on associations between the joint parenting styles and child behavioral outcomes indicated that children of two authoritarian parents showed the poorest behavioral outcomes. 
These children were perceived as showing significantly more internalizing and externalizing problem behavior and less prosocial behavior compared to children of parents adopting other parenting styles. 
In contrast, children of two positive authoritative parents demonstrated the lowest levels of conduct problems."

~~~~~~

If you deduced from the above reading that I advocate for the Authoritative Parenting Style, you are correct. The authoritative parenting style has been studied extensively for 5 decades and has proven to be the most effective parenting style. 
Authoritative style could also be called Assertive. 
Authoritative parents have high expectations for their children.  
Authoritative parents set clear boundaries for their children's behaviour.
They consistently use guiding discipline instead of punishments.
They teach their children how, why and when to behave in socially acceptable ways.
And they also have high levels of warmth and responsiveness.

~~~~~~

So, specifically what do I teach?

I follow the principles and techniques of science, research-backed, peer reviewed, and evidence-based approaches and information. These are also found in Triple P Parenting and Parent-Child Interaction Therapy (PCIT).

I listen to you. I consider your values, your hopes and dreams for your children, the issues you are going through, your children’s personalities, what your children are doing and the reasons behind their behaviours.

I give you quality information through discussions, demonstrations, exercises, materials, and resources at a sufficient depth for your individual satisfaction level.

I walk you through the process of creating your own plan for parenting your own children using techniques and strategies that actually work for you, not someone else. I support you as you learn new skills, see results, and gain confidence in your parenting.

Question 7

You said you don't use a mental health approach. What about ASD, ADHD, ODD... or parents with depression?

Accepted Answer

I do not diagnose, treat or do therapy for anything health, mental health, or development related, such as ASD, ADHD, ODD, depression, anxiety, etc.

That said, I know and use effective techniques that help many children who have the diagnosis of ASD, ADHD and ODD.

For children with suspected or diagnosed ASD, ADHD and ODD, I can coach you in strategies and techniques to help you and your child.

For children who are already assessed, my techniques can work in conjunction with the  techniques prescribed by your therapist. However, the therapies and techniques prescribed by your therapist are between you and your therapist.

For parents: I can work with a parent who is recovering from postpartum depression, depression, anxiety, addictions, or another psychiatric disorder. AS LONG AS the parent is under the care of a counsellor or psychiatrist and the condition is being treated. Ask your psychiatrist if you are ready for the parent coaching step.

The process of becoming the parent you want to be for your child requires self-reflection and looking at things that may be difficult for some people. For example, parents reflect on their own childhood to look at which parts of their own parent's parenting style they want to keep or change.  Another example is that perhaps a parent finds certain behaviours their child does to be particularly triggering. It may turn out that it is something that they were punished for as a child.

Parents who had a difficult upbringing usually have to parent themselves as they parent their child in order to be the big person that they needed as a child.

Although looking at the way that you parent and the needs of your child can be very difficult, it will be incredibly rewarding.

However, all parents who go through this transformation will need a support system.

Parents who need marriage counselling should look into that.

Parents who are in a more fragile place, should be under the care of a psychiatrist and/or therapist before beginning parent coaching.

If you would like a mental health approach, try contacting your doctor, Northern Health, a group on this list, a service on this list, or here.
​
If you are experiencing a mental health emergency, please call Canada's suicide prevention and crisis line 988.

Question 8

Why all the butterflies?

Accepted Answer

There are butterflies all over my website and infographics.

This is because of the metamorphosis... the transformation... that the butterflies went through, and that I went through. And that the parents I coach go through.

Updated September 17, 2020

Frequently Asked Questions

I don't quite see the point of a parent coach. It seems a bit Instagram-scammy if I'm being honest.

I'm confused why someone would see a parent coach over someone with more of an educational background like a child psychologist or licensed therapist.

So how do parent coaches differ from the other professionals with more education?

I guess I don't understand what your qualifications are to advise people on these things. Is there some sort of accredited post-secondary program?

Ok then what exactly do you do?

That gentle parenting doesn't work. I've tried everything. My child needs firm punishment. He is getting out of control. He needs to learn respect. I don't want a coach who will just talk about feelings.

You said you don't use a mental health approach. What about ASD, ADHD, ODD... or parents with depression?

Why all the butterflies?